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Wonderful me - how do we teach kids to parent themselves?

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How do we teach kids to parent themselves and why is it important?

Parenting can be a minefield of concepts and approaches, but what we’re really doing is teaching them how to parent themselves. In this guest blog by Dr Nancy Shapiro, Author of new book for kids Wonderful Me, we explore this in more detail.

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Nancy Shapiro’s Wonderful Me, illustrated by Vania Sacramento

 

What are we thinking about when we raise children? Many things! One of these (too) many things is caring about our kids’ futures. Typically, caregivers/parents wonder how their children will do in school and if they will make friends. When forecasting even further into the future, parents/caregivers fret and muse about their kids’ potential careers, how they will earn a living, where they will live, if they will partner, and if they will have children of their own. 

An even deeper and serious concern, however, is rarely talked about:  We worry if our childwill be able to take care of themselves when they are older and on their own. This predestined situation, though, is exactly what we are preparing our kids for everyday, intentionally or not. If we stop and think about it, we want our kids to grow up and become good parents to themselves.

Many of us didn’t have optimal or even good enough parenting when we were children and even if you had a great upbringing, parenting is hard and complicated!

Come up for air.

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That’s why I wrote my book Wonderful Me, which can come in handy to help us become even better parents to both ourselves and our children!

In Wonderful Me you might notice areas that are hard for you in caring for yourself, or that you weren’t taught, or shown in a healthy way, as a grown-up - which is why it’s important for us to teach these things properly to our children.

It might seem surprising, but during early childhood, kids are already learning how to parent themselves. Both how we model self-care and how we care for children directly are integral ingredients in how children learn; everyone who cares for them is their teacher, whether they know it or not.

Wonderful Me can be thought of as a mini-text book to support a child during the longest and one of the most important “courses” that they will take: Learning to become their own parent.

The universal job of parenting is to raise future adults. Since being a grown-up means being able to parent oneself, it is naturally of primary importance that children learn how to take care of themselves. There are so many benefits for children learning this well, like increasing resiliency to life’s challenges, and protecting and managing physical and mental health.

And the better we self-parent, the closer we can get to our thriving potentials!

Fortunately, parenting ourselves forms the foundation for a powerful pattern: If your children learn the tools they will need to care well for themselves as adults, then they will pass that on to the next generation.

Here is a new way to envision your children’s future: thriving and taking wonderful care of themselves.

Dr. Nancy Shapiro is a clinical psychologist in private practice and has been working in the field of mental health since 1987. She is also the Chief Operating Officer and Training Program Director at TurnUp Activism, a non-profit that has helped thousands of young people on their path towards becoming civically engaged. She has a BA from Simon’s Rock of Bard College, an MA from Lesley University and a PsyD from Antioch New England Graduate School. Outside of work, she is a mother of three, an oboist and composer, and enjoys cycling, tennis, reading and writing.

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